Bangungot ng Kawalan

Bangungot ng Kawalan

Masarap titigan ang kawalan. Walang espasyo, walang kahit ano. Malawak at madilim; minsan maliwanag.

Sa layo at lalim ng aking pagtingin kung saan tangan ko ang landas na hindi ko rin mailarawan, unti-unting nagkakakulay ang kawalan. Nagkakaroon ng mga imaheng hindi ko pininta. Hindi ko man sadya’y kusang nagsisipatakan ang mga kulay na hindi ko rin alam ang pinanggalingan. Unti-unti, sila’y nagsisipatak sa kawalan na dapat ay walang patutunguhan, walang katapusan.

Mapusyaw. Walang matingkad. Ang kadilima’t liwanag ay napupuno ng kulay. Wala ni isa sa mga kulay ang nagsasabing masaya ako. Ang mga imahen ay napupuno ng mga masalimuot na katotohanan. Unti-unti, tila ako’y kinakahon sa rehas ng mga kulay hanggang sa tuluyan ko nang maramdaman ang aking pagkakagapos sa riyalidad na hindi ko kailanman matatakasan.

Dapat masaya ako. Dapat matingkad ang bahagharing minamasdan ko. Subalit hindi ko kayang kulayan ang mundo ng malungkot na kulay. Ito lamang ang mayroon ako, lungkot at pag-asang may magpapatingkad ng bungungot ko. Sa gayon lang nanaisin kong manatili sa kawalan.

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Love Cats.

Love Cats.

I’m going to put it this way. First, cats have nine lives. Second, you are what you love. And remember that you love cats. And you are worth more than cats. You’re worth more than your utter love for cats.

Everyday, you watch them wander and sleep around the house. Sometimes, you can’t even help wonder how come they stay so cute and adorable and still have nine lives. And here you are, an idiot who knows so much, does so much and still not get the reprieve you deserve. But you still love cats.

Sometimes, you just want to lay in your bed and wait for them to crawl and find a spot beside you. From there you take the time to relish the moment that you get to cuddle with that little monster. Oblivious from the reality, you share the vibe that your feline possess. And you wake up a “feline” the next day.

But you know, what? You are strong and independent—but still slightly an idiot. Nonetheless, you are smart enough to not be a lazy butt like that cat right there. You know more. You do more. And that is just the beginning of everything. There is so much more that is ahead.

“And you are worth more than cats. You’re worth more than your utter love for cats.”

That being said, no matter how stupid, should at least push you a little further to the limit and break the walls that bar you from your hopes, your dreams. Cats have nine lives. But you have so much more. Be strong. Cats are lazy butts– but cute. But you’re a rockstar– and still cute. Remember that.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious bubbles

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious bubbles

Bubbles flit and float. The wind
Cradled them for that moment.
One by one it popped like you
Suddenly appearing out of the
Blue. And the blue faded away.
(Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

I saw the light in those bubbles,
You see. Reflecting the rainbows.
I could only blabber the word over
And over. For that time was as
precious as the day I was born.
(Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

And that could have been the first
Word that I wanted to learn for it
was you exactly. The hikes and the
Downfalls were as amazing as
Those bubbles that slowly flew.
(Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

Hence, there came the glory days;
The days that popped like bubbles.
Some seem too small. Some great.
Some lasted for quite a long while.
But they were all just as precious.
(Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

/floccinaucinihilipilification/

/floccinaucinihilipilification/

This is exactly how you see me.
You know I am here. I am concrete.
But you never dared touch nor feel
Nor see me like how I wanted, needed.

What do you know about noticing?
Exit all that is between you and me.
(This is exactly how you see me.)
You know I am here. I am concrete.

But I’m treated as though I’m unseen
Yet still living; breathing the air.
But you never dared touch nor feel
Nor see me like how I wanted, needed.

I am no figment of anyone’s dreams.
I could be worth more than of all them.
This is exactly how you see me.
But I’m treated as though I’m unseen.

I am a failure.

I am a failure.

I like to think that I achieve a lot by failing.
I like to think that I am smart for failing more
than I succeed. I mean, look at me. I’m just another
bloke: not so tall, under-average, fairly adequate.
I don’t do sports. I don’t like studying. I just do
what I do. I don’t even rhyme. I don’t even care.
I don’t look forward nor back. But I think a lot.
I lost so many battles. I lost so many times. I
even lost people along the way. Tell me again, how
much of a loser I am for still living. I have news
for you, stranger. I’m not a winner. I’m a fighter.

Quarterback/Striker

Quarterback/Striker

The field was quieter than I thought.
Apart from the moments lost; Glory
Gazed upon me like an old friend.
For a moment, the wilderness ate me up.
I watched the dark clouds cave the sky.
Heads up; I have one last shot before
I lose my mind. I kept practicing how
To emerge victorious like I always have.
The wind blew and whispered sofly: “run”
On my feet; a few big steps and kick.
I watched the ball defy gravity and fly.
I didn’t even notice its wings flutter.
Until it burned to ashes and it was
Blown away. There I stood. Dream’s over.
It’s about time to face the real enemy.

I will not wait for you

I will not wait for you

I will not wait for you.
None of you. Your freedom
Must not and will not hold
Me back; I have my own.
I am free and you are too.

But you do not hold me in
Chains; Your claws are not
Sharp in any degree. Harm
Me. Scare me. Threaten me.
Wound me. Scar me. But no —

I’m not afraid at all. I can move
Forward and not back, especially
Back. Because that’s the only
Thing you can do but not to me.
I’m too free to be held down

By you, swarm of black demons
That taunt the brave and bold.
I’ll have to finish the race alone
If I have to and I have to. I will
reach the end of the road without

You. Any of you. Race of slackers,
Slow workers and of lazybones.