Fine line

Fine line

Hearts don’t wish like the mind does.
Hearts only know how to beat.
They only feel.
They seem to skip a beat and keep up eventually,
Hearts don’t have wings like the mind does.
Hearts only lie beneath the chest.
The chest where breasts doth lie.
The chest of hidden desires.
But minds can wish without shooting stars.
But minds can fly with or without wings.
It can travel like the speed of light.
It can creep like the dead of night.
Hearts don’t lie but the mind can.
Hearts don’t reason the way minds can.
But the truth is relative in every way.
But the truth can be told like night from day.

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And you wonder why I never listen.

And you wonder why I never listen.

And you wonder why I never listen.
That every single time you say a word
You serve me chunks and chunks of dark
Chocolates that is blacker than the night
I slept with your voice in my head.
I like to think me “okay” because I know
I try to be even when the venom of those
Chocolates you feed me kick in to my
Core; down to the depths. What a shame.

What a shame because I used to think
Your womb to be a safe haven. Your words
To be addicting more than any drug. More
Than any kind of love could offer. A place
Where I would rather be in for more than a
Thousand days just to keep me safe from
The harms of this absurd world and this
Absurd life. I like to think you sensitive for
You taught me how to make sense of things.
And today you see the sense I tried to
make sound no more than just disobedience.

There is so much more that I could say
About how I just want everything to stop.
Knowing the blame can only be either mine or
The world’s or yours but mostly mine because
The world refused to listen to me. Maybe the
World never did but they refused to care. Yes–
Perhaps that is most right for everything that
Is not according to the world can only be
Nothing but wrong, evil and revolting. Anything
I say is nonsense and not worth hearing.
And you wonder why I never listen.

Rules

Rules

Do not move.
Do not change not even one tiny detail.
Do not put your head forward.
Do not change the angle of your face.
Do not let one gust of wind blow you away.
Do not step closer.
Do not just stand there though.
Do not let your mind wander too far off.
Do not move your hands.
Do not move your hips.
Do not even look him in the eye.

Everything else feels just as it should until all the rules just change.
Because right now, the rules do not matter.
Everything else can be done now. But one thing you shouldn’t forget.
Smile. Give him just that.
Just give him that or else you meet a new set of rules.
Rules that would not let you sleep straight through the night.
Smile and forget not being allowed to do anything other than just that.

Una querida

Una querida

Minahal kita nang higit sa inakala mo. Sa kabila
ng mga pag-iwas at pagiging mailap ko sa mga
panahong inasam mo ang yakap at halik ko. Pero
marahil hindi mo na masyadong binigyang pansin.
Ganito pala maging kabit.

Wala ka nang karapatan umasta na nagmamahal
ka; dahil mas mahalaga ang pag-ibig at pag-abiad
niya sa iba. Sa iba. Kahit alam mo na hindi naman
siya talaga mahal nung unang minahal niya. Tonta.
Ganito pala maging kabit.

Siya ang iyong buhay. Ikaw ang kanyang aliw.
Siya ang iyong pag-ibig habang ikaw; wala. Siya
namang tunay dahil pwede mo naman siyang
mahalin pero hindi ka niya masusuklian. Punyeta.
Ganito pala maging kabit.

Halos mawalan siya ng tulog sa bawat gabing
dumadaan at kapiling niya ang “iba” habang wala
ka namang ibang magawa kung hindi ang mapaisip
na lang. Iba and inaaruga niya at sadyang sampid ka lang.
Ganito pala maging kabit.

Anuman ang mangyari ang lahat ng ito ay nagsimula
sa isang pangarap. Malinaw sa akin na ako ang
tunay na bahagi ng pangarap na iyon subalit hindi
talaga ako ang katuwang niya sa pag-abot noon.
Ganito pala maging kabit.

Matapos lang ang bangungot na ito; matapos lang
ang walang hanggang pagligo sa pawis at papel;
Sa huli ay sa puso ko rin naman ang punta mo.
Kahit ba na thesis ang asawa mo’t kabit lang ako.
Sa ngayon lang ako kabit.

Eleventh Hour

Eleventh Hour

The nerves deep in your head hurts;
like when I pushed you away,
like when I left you waiting on nothing,
like when I talked like you didn’t matter.

Sting like bees from the inside out;
like missing me so bad,
like wanting me around,
like yearning for my embrace.

Here at the eleventh hour, we survived;
like the last two people in the apocalypse,
like the ruins of Cair Paravel,
like the dead stars brought back to life.

And I have pushed you away,
And I have left you waiting on nothing,
And I talked like you didn’t matter,
But here I survived the eleventh hour.

And I have missed you so bad too,
And I have wanted you around too,
And I have yearned for your embrace too,
But I here I survived the eleventh hour with you.

Like the last two people in the apocalypse,
Like the ruins of Cair Paravel,
Like the dead stars brought back to life,
At the eleventh hour — come hell or high water.