Forget about dinner

Forget about dinner

Let’s forget about dinner
Setting the table with plates

and all the spoons and forks.
Forget about the glasses

still dripping upside down.
Forget about the light;

the still bulb by the fridge.
Forget about dinner even

when my stomach grumbles
sending voices in my head

I miss you more than I want
to think about dinner. I would

most probably not even take
at least one bite; Let’s forget

about dinner. I’m not even going
to force myself to be okay when I’m not.

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In the mercy of God

In the mercy of God

In the mercy of God,
I found him who would
not cease to find various
ways to put a smile on my
face that he claim to light
up his everyday. In the mercy
of God, who created all and

gave me all, He brought
close to him who stood by
me when the blemishes
of me poured out to the world
that even I could not stop
it from raging against the night.
In the mercy of God,

even the most still day would
pass and embark diamonds in
my heart that would pierce
through the core and take
shelter in the depths that is
my soul that is no longer mine.
In the mercy of God,
I found grace in the embrace

of him who gives love and
loves to the very last bit.
In the mercy of God,
I found something; perhaps
someone who is sweeter than
my morning coffee. Sweeter
than every little breath of life
I have had for the
last nineteen years.

Isipin mo ako

Isipin mo ako

Isipin mo ako.
Sa tuwing gigising ka’t maaaninag mo ang boses ko
sa gitna ng kawalan na sadyang nakalulunod dulot ng
pagkawala ko.

Isipin mo ako.
Sa oras na aalis ka’t bibyahe; tangan ang init ng araw
at ang hagupit ng bagyo na hahalili sa pag-aalala mo
sa kalagayan ko.

Isipin mo ako.
Sa bawat pagkakataong magbubukas ka ng aklat para
mag-aral o haharap sa madla; naroroon ako sa kung saa’t
sumusuporta sa’yo.

Isipin mo ako.
Sa ganitong paraan na hindi na kailangang may tayo;
sa paraang malinaw na mahal mo ako’t mahal din kita
habang ikaw ang iniisip ko.

Dread

Dread

I dread everyday
not having to feel
Your embrace knowing
I never will; not
anytime soon. Not any more.

I dread everyday
not having to feel
the sun being warm
I never will; not
anytime soon. Not any more.

I dread everyday
not having to feelwalking by the sea
I never will; not
anytime soon. Not any more.

I need a Daniel

I need a Daniel

I need a Daniel
to hug me and cuddle with
even when I’m awfully wet
like a kitten drenched in the
wretched storm.

I need a Daniel
to hold my hand and warm
me against the creeping cold
around my body; slowly devouring
me whole from inside.

I need a Daniel
of whom not his real name
but has marked in me deep down
the depths of my heart where
secrets and regrets lie.

I need a Daniel
to love me back and stand by me
to show me what the sunrise could
least do; to shine even when
my life feels gray.

I need a Daniel
to be the light in the darkness
that apparently  is me lost
in the wilderness that is still me;
perhaps he knows the way out.

A Little More Like This

A Little More Like This

Every single grain can tip the scale. Every little fainting feeling can tip my feeling stable. I’m that close to collapsing roughly a couple of hours away from home. The whole avenues and intersections around are lit by lampposts and the vast orange sky. Everyone around could possibly appear to be monsters right before my eyes should I hallucinate. And thank heavens, you were by my side.

You kept asking whether or not I was okay. And I kept telling you the truth. Because I was not okay. For once I felt that not being okay was NOT okay at all. Dying internally and fainting anytime was not okay at all. But I still kept running towards home in the hope of feeling okay; perhaps better again. But still no, I didn’t feel okay.

I did my best to keep my defenses up. Full force around my walls, I placed each brave soldier to fight for me. I even readied the furnace for each archer to light up their arrows. But I never saw it coming really. I never saw that each and every single one of my men would seize me by allowing me to lose and collapse to your shoulder. Perhaps you won against them. You were so concerned you reached for my head to let it fall on your shoulder.

How could I even get the nerve of falling for it that easily? Was I that tired? Was I that drained? Or maybe I was that weak and helpless I yearned for your hand to touch me and guide me towards your embrace. I guess I was so down I thought you were my only way up again.

But this perhaps was genuine. It was not like anything… Or so I thought.

Nonetheless, holding your hand felt right for a moment even when I was at the brink of pure and unadulterated uncertainty. The night did not care much about what I felt or what you felt or what it saw. It just happened for the sake of happening. It just went on like that as it is; just as fate itself intended it to. And that was to boost my hopes up for a bit on a little roller coaster ride for a couple of days which eventually met its crash in the end.

I could have done more than I did, really. I could have dove head first. I could have jumped off the cliff and drown and die… Finally, by then I would have felt extra numb than I do now. Finally I could probably say it’s okay to not be okay because even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t feel the slightest pain anywhere.

But because you mean a lot to me, we might as well just stay like this. I might as well love you like this. I might as well just keep it as it already is.

[10-2-2014]

[10-2-2014]

Ahoy there!

I would just like to give a little shout out to everyone who followed me. It’s been months since I have thought of posting my works here online and share the words and stories I create inside my head. It’s always refreshing to let every single butterfly out of my head every once in awhile, let it fly through words and touch people’s minds and hearts in the process.

Thank you so much for having the time to stop by my blog and read my stuff.

–Annie Sparkle

PS: I’ve posted a Filipino poem here. So I guess that queues my “Filipino” category. I hope those of you who study Filipino and/or are Filipino would try and check it out. And this post also queues my “Dear Reader” category which would be my random post of acknowledgement or whatever I would like to personally say.