Seeing your name on the list

Seeing your name on the list

It’s a long list
Of white, black and green
Names and names
A few of them significant
Most don’t mean a thing
But yours;
My heart pounds
It bounces
All over the place
Is it normal?
It used to be
Is it okay?
It used to be
What’s in it for me?
I could stammer
For ages before I answer
I don’t even know
But I tell you, I squeal
I feel, I feel
Never mind
It’s too awkward
Let me die
Let me sigh
Just sigh; “OH WHY”

Relapse

Relapse

Pace through the same spot
The very same light
The very same spot
The old gleaming tiles
The very white column
A bit dusty and sturdy as it used to be
The same quiet and empty
No, you don’t have to come and meet me
Stay where you are
Better yet, stay away
I’m nothing but eyesore
Toxic to everything you’d devour
Wasted; waste of an hour
Hours and hours and days
This was just the same place
Marked with memories
Kisses and unruly melodies
I came back here not to relish
But to replace what once was there
What once were ours
Like withered flowers
Now completely dry and dead
Well there is someone else now
And he’s all in my head
A flower did bloom
But quicker than light, it died
Now let me pace through the same spot
For the place is all I got
And a heart now full of room
For promises and utter doom

Another poem for G-

Another poem for G-

Let me write about you again
A poem will do, I guess
I won’t say much about them
I would like to say less
Then again there was the pain
There’s still love I’ve yet to gain
But no, not from you
I guess not any more
Straightforward and plain
Shameless and painless
I speak of yesterday
As if it had been ages ago
When we had one love
When you looked me in the eyes
With glistening stars and boundless skies
When we touch so very carefully
Not knowing how it delves in deeply
But then again there was passion
Which was just a mere illusion
Indeed it was rather sad
That we ended up so bad
Like there was nothing we had
Nonetheless I’m glad
Just to see you happy
Although not with me
But I know I’ll get by
If you’d like to see me try
For sure, I won’t be alone
I won’t be lonely when I die

A poem for G-

A poem for G-

Will somebody write a poem for me?
Something you asked the fourth wall
Well I could write so many
And you’re the thought of it all
I’ll write of wanting you
I’ll write of missing you
Or write about the pain
About the fear and all I can’t contain
Or even obtain in your absence
I hope it did make sense
I paint a picture of words
For an ‘I love you’ to be heard
Or even to be read
For tears to be shed
Until I let it all out and more
To not look back at before
Or to embrace tomorrow
With the neglect of sorrow
Until you return to me
Or I set myself free
To be truthfully happy
You will be my poetry

Notes, Nerves and Moving on

Notes, Nerves and Moving on

Lean forward to the bedside
Chin over hand, hand over notes
Let your hand pace through the lines
Guided by your fingers; on it goes
Nerves travel everywhere
Targetting your very hand
Penetrating each move and glide
To let out whatever’s inside
Eyes keep on blinking
With thoughts not sinking
Watch them; memories rising
It journeys outside the system
Keeping heart calm and silent
Keeping it strong without breaking
Keeping it stable without shaking
Do not let your nerves reach your eyes
Right where the tear duct lies
Don’t even dare cry
Don’t let them not see you try
Let everyone know you will survive
Be the proof your are alive

One day in the ward

One day in the ward

Sit down on the hospital bed
Don’t let your feet touch the ground
Think about the past
When he held your hand in his
When he made you feel more than this
Talk to the window pane like it’s him
Feel the warmth of the sunlight
Like it’s his arms around your body
Remember how you once swore to yourself
To memorize all inches of him
With your own lips that could conquer
With your own love that couldn’t falter
Now you regret you didn’t take
The chance a million years would make
Now he’s gone to say ‘goodbye’
Even without your last embrace
Today you hunger for him
Madly, deeply long to trace
His space inside your heart
Your heart that once was his
Your heart he did not claim
Your heart he left for shame

A woman at her darkest

A woman at her darkest

On her knees
She could not escape the prison
In her mind she is chained
Wanting to break out and free
She cries for help
She begs
But to no avail, no nothing
The world looked at her
She is a lunatic
Devastated; She could not wait
Clueless; she’s desperate for answers
Grips and pulls the chains
And she would only falter
Behold the poor woman
Breathes heavily; nearly dies
And she’s not but confused
None but torn apart
Trapped in love and lies
Left with a shattered heart