Aircon buzzing

Aircon buzzing

And then it all went down to this. The stale fragrance of the rain. The nothingness of the moment. And me.

I, Vicentia, sit alone in an empty office. I had my lurk around from the familiar corners of the room that I don’t even care about. To the right-hand corner sits the door and from there to the wall in front of me, a wide desk. It functions as a table and a shelf basically anything we might bother to leave there every now and then. Over this spot, a wide shelf carrying books in coordinated in colors. Another separate shelf sits by the left-hand corner of the room. Behind me, as I sit here on the centerpoint of the room, more desks, more office chairs. They are as empty as the room.

The aircon disintegrates the quiet of the room. It sounds static and repetitive and boring. It is the kind of sound that makes you feel sad.

“It’s time,” said the other man whom I thought wasn’t in the room. As he said that this, one of my bosses stepped in and grabbed his mob of mugs on the reception desk to the right side of the room.

‘Oh, is it.’ I thought. I didn’t bother thinking about what’s next or what’s to come at this time. I didn’t notice much that the man in the room was singing. At this point, the singing went a little louder than the usual.

The buzzing aircon sound reemerged from the nowhere in my mind. Blocking the noise seemed too difficult now.

I don’t exactly know what comes next after this scene but I am pretty sure this is not going to end well. Who knows. ‘Only-who-knows’ knows.

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Pahinga

Pahinga

Ang kapahingahan ay hindi lamang nararapat
para sa mga taong pagod.
Ito’y para sa mga taong nangangailangan
ng yakap. Mga uhaw sa haplos ng buhay
na hangin na waring nag-uudyok ng hangaring
ipadama ang halina.

Halika, wika pa niya.

Ipapaalala ko na may kanlungan ka.
Ipapaalala ko na yayakapin kita;
Kahit pa sa higpit ng pagkakabigkis
Ng aking mga bisig
Salitang mula sa bibig
Madama ang pag-ibig
Sa paghilig
Sa pagsibol
Ng dati’y nabubulok
Nagmumukmok

Animo’y kay tagal naghihintay sa sikat
ng araw; nakadungaw sa kalawakan
Pero hindi mo masilayan ng buo
Bitin, araw-araw, bitin
Kahit anupang awitin
Hindi maatim magreklamo
Magsumamo na sana tuluyan nang sumikat
Ang liwanag na taon na ang binibilang
Kung mag-inarte ay dinaig akong
Dumadaing sa pagkakataong

Sandali lang naman
Makapagpahinga naman
Teka ako naman
Baka sakali naman
Kung pwede naman
Dahil pwede naman
Ano ba naman
Itong buhay na hindi naman nananadya
Hindi naman nagsasawang
Biguin ako
Dahil sandali lang naman
Makapagpahinga naman
Teka ako naman
Baka sakali naman
Kung pwede naman
Dahil pwede naman

Ang kapahingahan ay hindi lamang nararapat
para sa mga taong pagod.
Ito’y para sa mga taong nangangailangan
ng sandali. Mga uhaw sa ngiti ng buhay
na pag-asang nag-uudyok ng hangaring
ipadama ang halina.

Halika, wika pa niya.

Ipapaalala ko na may kanlungan ka.
Ipapaalala ko na yayakapin kita;
Kahit pa sa higpit ng pagkakabigkis
Ng aking mga bisig
Salitang mula sa bibig
Madama ang pag-ibig
Sa sandaling paghilig

Status

[7-30-16]

Dear Reader,

I cannot believe that it’s been ages since I last personally wrote to everyone who was interested in whatever the f*ck I wanted to say on my blog. I know it sucks that I mostly act like a ghost in here. But hey, I guess it’s reasonable that I publish updates now.

  1. I earned my Bachelor’s degree in majoring in English. I marched last April in the PICC Plenary Hall. I’m one of the surviving graduates of Polytechnic University of the Philippines Batch 2016. Also I’m one of the fortunate ones to graduate with Latin honors.
  2. I’ve started working in my Alma Mater, De La Salle Araneta University (I went to this school for High School) in the Lasallian Language Center as an ESL Teacher. I’m on my second month as an employee.
  3. I’m still the same old me. Worked up about the things I want to do, the places I want to go and the things I want to keep in life. For the mean time, this will be enough. I will keep buying things I need to survive and save up for the beautiful things I want to make living the now more fun and interesting than I expected and dreamed.

IMG_20160412_202333

Cheers to exiting the university life. Behold the gate; there it is, waiting for me. All I have to do is step outside, keep walking and just let life happen as it does.

— Annie Sparkle

PS: I hope to put up more photos, posts and weekly stuff to make this blog more exciting. Ayt? I love y’all.

Before August

Before August

The age of majority comes a ringin’
Messages; reminders that I’m not always
Always a kid dreaming, reeling the fantasies
I conjured at night in a safe haven

in my head.
There’s a room full of sparkles
and hope and fear, evolving.
They run and jump turning, around the
seemingly vast space of possibilities
cramped

Every night.
I watched them live and die and be
Born in a time where a journey like no other
Dawns before my very eyes.
And it’s painful to watch all the sparkles change.

They once have had wings
And eyes
And love
And poetry
And minds that uses its faculties
As creative and as chimerical as possible.
“Where have they gone?” I asked.
I questioned myself in a dream.

Now it’s the eve of July 31st.
I woke up this morning hearing a quiet response.
“They did exactly what they had to do,” it said.
“With or without your knowing,” it whispered.

“They grew up.”
I asked, “Like I did?”
“Not just yet.”
I’m left not feeling my face,
Not having a clue what to do next.
Until it said,

“They’re waiting for you.”

Something to laugh about.

Something to laugh about.

One of these days I’ll have a new chore and that would be laughing as I stalk your Facebook timeline. I would be laughing at you and your new pet. “Aww. isn’t this just nice?” “Who knew he’d act like this?” “For someone who claims he’s an ‘epicurist’ when it should be called ‘epicurean,’ look how far he’s come to find this new girl…” Then again, “Aww, this is just nice.” To hell if I sound and seem bitter but I guess that would be me relishing my so-called happiness and contentment on the kind of life I have now.

Maybe it is difficult to work with my bodyclock switching on at 5:30 in the morning when I badly want to marry the bed for the rest of the day. Maybe I struggle making sure that I keep a lifestyle where I keep me feet on the ground by still doing the same things I do even before I even learned that I already have a job. Maybe it is hard for me to think about how I have to spend my hard earned money. Maybe I still find myself questioning why I took a job where I work 10 hours a day and get curious how I suddenly got to where I am now.

All these things and more swim in the pool of my thoughts wondering if I made the right choices in life. And then there’s you… Your eternal face etched deep in the core of my thoughts when it first learned what it’s like to be attracted.

“Adulting” made thinking about my future adventures a part of my system. The system never ate me. I devoured it whole. Because I thought it would be better to get the best of it than let it get the best of me; let alone get ahead of me. And that is something I try so hard to avoid.

Sure. You may ask why I exert so much effort avoiding that situation but the reason is clear. I would rather not make the same mistake I did before and look back… It’s a fucking time vortex in there. A rift in the fabric of my reality that is a fixed point in time and is a piece of my history that can never be undone. I have no other direction to look at other than forward and not back. At the same time, I have to make sure that none of the relics of you stand in my way as I tread through my journey. You bear no place in my heart anymore.

We had a chance. Twice. Perhaps it wasn’t even called a chance at all. It was a point in my life where it just had to pass and whenever I have to look back, I just have to keep singing the words “I’ve just seen a face” and cut it there. Because “I can forget” and no, “I have ‘not’ fallen” and no “you never kept calling me back again.” Everything else was all me; me and my mistakes and false hopes and dreams and me welcoming a calamity which I regret setting a place on my dinner table for.

Now, back to the part where I choose to laugh while stalking your Facebook timeline. As I read through your own train of thought -if it even deserves to be called one- I think that I’m happy I have claimed my freedom. I owned the key to the shackles I bound to myself and all I had to do was unchain myself and leave my own prison. I keep recalling that episode of my life and I’m left wondering. When will that new pet of yours realize that she is trapped in your dungeon of lustful desires and selfishness? If not that then I wonder, when will you learn that your selfishness and lustful desires will make you a sad man for the rest of your life? I do hope either of those limbos will end really soon.

And until that fateful day comes, I shall be laughing. At the back of my head. My laughter is too precious to be wasted on your story knowing I’ve come to make mine worth more than myths and fairytales.

The planes over my head.

The planes over my head.

The sound; the engines cry
Your voice so loud
The sound ran dry
But love, every moment fed
Behold the planes over my head

Where rain like tears fall
Familiar, the sight, the wall
And behold time, love; Sped
All the planes over my head

The clouds come forlorn
The echoes of when you were born
Come, love, with me in bed.
Away the planes over my head

Away the misery spell
Tonight my love
I lay wishing you well
Spirit and soul, together, fled
Behold the planes over my head

High on the mountains
My body stand hence
Love I finish the verse instead
Watching the planes over my head

Steps, move; one by one
Four moons while I am gone
I’ll come home, love
Come to your head
Like the planes over my head

Flickering lights

Flickering lights

Flickering lights
mistake me for being
in love with the likes
of him
who passed by.

He who passed by is
a glorious face
I see
in my dreams.

He who passed by?
He who ignited
millions of universes
in my mind
remain blurry

in my dreams.
A seemingly familiar
face not-so-clear
in my head.

He is an occasion.
But he, my love –He.

Flickering lights
should deem me
in love with the likes
of him
who can fly.

My heart is in the sky.
He flies with wings
of metal and of blood;
flown from the heart
that beats for mine.