It’s amazing how sleep would wash away how we turn each other off. The way you want me is as clear as the red checks and the red marks on my final research draft. The haunting that it gives is of the same gravity. To think that heartbreak is one thing that I try so hard to avoid; I stand here. Barely caring about what I’d get from all this.
All we have are late night conversations about how my day was and how my life works. I’d be lucky if I would hear the snippets of yours. You would often say that you’re tired and that you just came home. And you pay attention to me like your late night tv left turned on for the night until you fall asleep. I’ll lie in bed waiting for a couple beeps; waiting for you until I fall to a deep sleep not realizing I’ve ceased caring about ‘us.’
I do know that you have a knack for keeping yourself for yourself. And I guess I could say that I understand that. You probably are just selfish that way. You’d rather let others have your body. You’d rather let others have your heart. But never your soul.
I would never ask for your heart unless you give it to me, you know. I don’t believe that I would have to earn that either. It is yours to own or perhaps offer… give, even. I know you’d give me your skin any day. I understand that you’d want me to heal tiny open wounds, stitch them and bandage them with my kisses. And as they come, you gladly accept them knowing it shall keep you alive even just for awhile. But right now, I long for a window to your soul. I yearn to see you raw.
I know for a fact that the ‘you’ you are now is not exactly the you that I want to see. There’s something more into it, I know. I just happen to be the wrong person to ask of it. Or I am the last person in your mind that you would allow to see yourself bent. But I guess, that is definitely not how things work.
But who cares anyway? I don’t. You don’t. So I guess, let’s just start right there. Let’s start right where we both don’t care at all. It’s not really a game. But I guess we could say we’re adopting fire for a pet. I just don’t know how long we’ll have to tame it. But that’s a start. We don’t care anyway.