Summer in my eyes

Summer in my eyes

I have not cried in a long while. Countless reasons came by and I can hardly understand why my tear ducks hold back. Has the dam grew dry? My heart yearns to shower upon the external the mourning it holds, the grief.

How can this life be cruel and not let me cry? I’m only human. And I have always known myself to be emotional ergo my heart easily runs with pain and it storms right through my eyes. Two decades of existence and twenty summers of ever wet tear ducks suddenly run dry.

Have I told you that this does not necessarily mean that I feel strong? Do you know that I don’t feel strong? Do you understand how vulnerable I feel? How could I run out of tears to cry?

I have been cruel to myself and to the world. And the most human thing that I could do is the one thing that is brought away from me. To mourn.

I ask a simple question. I ask one thing. Let me cry for the reasons that I have now. I don’t know how else I could let the pain out. I can’t bear to keep feeling the pain. I can’t bear to release the pain in ways I don’t quite understand. In ways I would wound myself more, in ways I would destroy myself.

Fate be less cruel to me, please. Wash the drought off my tear ducks and let me cry again. Let me be the kind of human that I’ve always been… That if I cannot bring what was, let me have that one part of what used to be.

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