I curl here on my seat right in front of the computer and I wasn’t kidding when I said it’s already two in the morning. The rain hasn’t stopped but it sure had the nerve to calm down after a long day. But it seems to me that the sky never gets tired. It seems to me that it hasn’t thought about stopping since the other night when I struggled to get things right and kept failing.
I run through my hand all over my face and again. I did my best to stimulate my face and convince my very self that I should have hit the sack hours ago; even when it hurts to lay in bed and get stuck trying to dream dreams that would only break my heart when I wake. I run through my face again and I recall that I should be washing it before I sleep. Perhaps that too was a clear reminder that I should not forget brushing my teeth.
And now that I’m rest assured that I would not forget any of what I have been reminded of, all the impurities on my face shall be washed away. I just hope that even the monsters which kept hiding under my bed all day would get washed away as well. I hate it when I’ve already started to hate myself and they would keep me hating me even more. I believe I have mentioned brushing my teeth. I guess I ate too much chocolates today even the tiniest residue of sweetness on my mouth need brushing off. And that leaves me debating with myself on whether or not I’d keep my memories with you that made me smile…those sweet memories that has given a rather bitter aftertaste since you left.
I can still vividly picture that day I let you lay in bed with me. I just placed my head on your chest while you kept caressing my hair. I don’t know with you but I was sure that I tried to lure myself into falling asleep that time; but what would that be if I would choose to be unconscious while you were with me? I couldn’t bear falling asleep when it feels like any time I could die by your side, holding me holding you. For once, I thought the bed fit just right for me.
But it only happened once you know. Well, of course you know. How could you not? Unless… You have chosen to forget me because all along you weren’t serious about having me around. All along, it was just me crazy in love with you, with the way you cast spells on me, with the way you move me… All along you were just in love with the power that you had over me—And the clock finally struck two now. For real.
I should better get things done. Perhaps I should equip and arm my spirit for the war that is soon to dawn. The storms are still raging both out in the open and here downstairs where I will be spending the night alone in my bed with monsters creeping underneath… a bed that is still too big even for a little girl like me.